MLB Power Rankings: 30 Haikus As We Bid Adieu to the Regular Season

It’s here: the final weekend of the season, and with it, the final (non-playoff) edition of SI’s MLB Power Rankings. There’s no theme this week. Instead, there’s one haiku for every team. (Why not?) So, once more, let’s rank on:

30. Detroit Tigers (46-112; Last Week: 30)

Oh! pain across all

Welcome to an endless night

‘Til next (next) (next) year

29. Baltimore Orioles (52-107; Last Week: 29)

Better than last year

Which does not say much, truly

But it is something

28. Kansas City Royals (58-101; Last Week: 27)

Could be worse? It could.

“Worse” feels very distant now

But so does “better”

27. Miami Marlins (56-103; Last Week: 28)

Losing—expected.

Where are you, Dinger Machine?

An empty heart-space.

26. Toronto Blue Jays (65-94; Last Week: 25)

Hark! Here come the sons

Tomorrow, at last, is here

When will winning join?

25. Pittsburgh Pirates (68-91; Last Week: 24)

Haunted by trades,

Constant chaos, so much loss

What’s next? Who could guess?

24. Seattle Mariners (66-93; Last Week: 26)

Behold the roster.

Yes, sixty-seven players

And still not enough.

23. Colorado Rockies (68-91; Last Week: 22)

Bad start. Worse middle.

Crumble: slow, then all at once

But! Nightmare ends soon

22. Chicago White Sox (70-88; Last Week: 23)

Growth pains for rebuild

But gaze at Giolito,

Hold hope for others

21. San Diego Padres (70-89; Last Week: 21)

To save for winter:

Tatis Magic, Sheriff’s rule

Pieces to share warmth

20. Los Angeles Angels (72-87; Last Week: 20)

Story is the same:

Center, burning bright, always

Just don’t look elsewhere.

19. Texas Rangers (76-83; Last Week: 19)

Remember summer?

The brief glimmer of hope here?

Yes. It passed so quick.

18. Cincinnati Reds (73-86; Last Week: 18)

Hypothetical:

Live in Pythagorean

It’s not so bad there.

17. San Francisco Giants (77-82; Last Week: 17)

Will they or won’t they?

A deadline refrain, and here,

a sign of progress

16. Philadelphia Phillies (79-80; Last Week: 16)

Spring’s heady promise

Dies a slow death through summer

Whither the pitching?

15. Arizona Diamondbacks (82-77; Last Week: 15)

A Marte part-ay

In a .500 summer,

Worse places to be.

14. New York Mets (83-76; Last Week: 13)

Up? Down. Up? Chaos.

Add octogenarian

And embrace young Pete

13. Boston Red Sox (83-76; Last Week: 14)

Slow start, major yikes

Shaky ‘pen, empty deadline

Goodbye to Dombo

12. Chicago Cubs (82-77; Last Week: 12)

Believe in better,

Until no more time for it—

hot seat, hard ending

11. Washington Nationals (90-69; Last Week: 10)

Finished, left for dead,

Yet born anew by summer

To thrive into fall

10. Milwaukee Brewers (89-70; Last Week: 11)

Miracle last stretch,

Who’s overperforming now—

No MVP? Fine.

9. St. Louis Cardinals (90-69; Last Week: 9)

Rise of Flaherty,

A hot cardinal summer,

No-miss second half

8. Cleveland Indians (93-66; Last Week: 7)

A pitching staff to

Make Beliebers of us all,

Carry club to end

7. Tampa Bay Rays (95-64; Last Week: 8)

To win: Mix Ground Chuck,

Two Lowes, plenty of highs, and

Cash rules everything

6. Oakland A’s (96-63; Last Week: 6)

Who saw this coming?

Have we seen this one before?

Yet: They’re here, can’t lose.

5. Minnesota Twins (99-60; Last Week: 4)

Look: dingers, dingers

More dingers, dingers, dingers

swing, thwack, thump, and gone

4. Atlanta Braves (97-62; Last Week: 5)

It’s here, really? Yes.

The children are our future,

And the future’s now

3. New York Yankees (102-57; Last Week: 3)

The sick ward is full,

One down after another

And yet—victory

2. Los Angeles Dodgers (103-56; Last Week: 2)

Nearly too perfect,

Just as good as advertised,

Then: Add the rookies.

1. Houston Astros (104-55; Last Week: 1)

First: Blindingly good

Who can match? Then add Greinke

Winning—imminent

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